Oh My Miserable March

What a miserable month for me.
Somehow certain things are just not right.
I felt like I could barely breathe when I tried to recap this whole month's journey.

But it wasn't March's fault. Some issues occur way before March 2013 and it coincidently turned worse in this month. Bad timing I suppose.

Most outstanding issue would be my career. Yes, I've been not happy about it since last year. I think I lied to myself alot; I gave myself false hope. I think I'm making a huge mistake here. I feel suffocated. This is not a short term problem. It all started long time ago. Maybe a year ago. I've been pushing this instinct inside away from myself.

Something is just not right.

I asked myself alot lately:
Do I have the qualities?
How's my skills? Are the skills good enough?
Am I being underrated or I am just not worth to be appreciated?
Why am I being taken for granted?
Am I that gullible and easily manipulated?
Where do I stand right now?

Can't help feeling this way since things are obvious; just right in front of my eyes.

Honestly speaking, I am not really a confident person deep inside. But then again, I realised that I need to do something about it. If I'm not happy with the way things are, I should take action. I know I deserve better than this.

What's the point of working too hard and yet not being appreciated or even motivated? Why am I still sitting down there and hope for changes. If they are too blind to see what is going on, then I should make a move. Yes, it won't be easy. This is my first time, if I really want to do it.

At first when I realised this, I told myself that I'm just thinking too much. Damn it, I was so wrong. It seems that I'm not the only one who notice this horrible situation, but the people around me too! My friends, my boyfriend, my family! Now that I hear various opinions, I know pretty well that I'm really stuck in a bad situation.

Another thing is, I feel so restricted when I'm not the one who hold the pencil. I am more like, just a pencil. And that sucks. Never seen this kind of situation before.

I'm telling myself this every night : I know I deserve better because I see how things are around me. Plus, I do not need to force myself to work with people who love giving racist remarks or mixing personal matter with work matter. I don't need  to witness or hear all that drama. No thanks. Unhealthy environment.

There is no point staying with people who do not know how to appreciate or treat you right. And I must remind myself that I have my rights too.

I just lost the passion. And I blame myself for being so stupid and naive. And now that I have to courage to post this here, it would be painful to know that tomorrow is Monday.

Self reminder : Stop waiting for people to change things for you! Since you wait too long, you should just bring the changes to yourself!