Shooo!

Crap. A "nightmare" returns. shooo! Its just a dream! Won't affect my beautiful dayyy :)

I found Daniel Tan's lookalike on Facebook while BonBon found another person on Friendster. Please take note that they are both girls. I don't know why. I told Daniel, he said "Riddiculous" LOL!

You won't really see yourself but others do. :)

I did profile search on APPLE TAN for fun. Hehe. And that's when I found the lookalike. Haha.
http://www.facebook.com/s.php?ref=search&init=q&q=apple%20tan&sid=a8e743be38b8cb952a4437f1eb6c982f&n=-1&o=4&hash=98482d69d0db4a25b32bc12de1081aa0&sf=p&s=30

BonBon's discovery
http://profiles.friendster.com/47831414

I wish to find more lookalikes of anyone I know. heheh.



Btw, Papa.. I'm not SKINNY! I still have fats here and there! :D but I'm glad to be able to wear some pants & skirts back.



And another thing, Umi's sentence really tickled me. Haha.
"Kesian, dia nak nampak hot so pakai mcm tuh la"
LOLOLOL!!!


Tmw is April's Fool Day. Seriously, NO THANKS.

To my best friend, Estrella.

Though you gave the link, but this song must be dedicated back to you.
You are strong, I know. :)
I'm glad to hear from you again.
Life goes on, remember that k?
R.I.P Uncle.

Aku syg kau kucing. bergolekla to me if you ever need me. :)

http://www.wongkakui.net/Music/lyric93/sky.html
for lyric including English translation. :)

Reasoning is not bullshiting

Sometimes, I feel so amused to hear how people reason with me in many ways. Everything happens for a reason , yes true. But it doesn't mean you can bullshit all tht u want. Think twice before you say it. It will either make you a fool or make people respect you.

I do not want to shoot anyone here directly, but let's take my opinion generally.

For an example from my personal prob:

Just because of not meeting parents, it doesn't mean you cannot be stable in your relationship. Honestly, I think it was bullshit but I just accepted it for peace. So what if you meet them but you got no love? This is my opinion la. If your love is strong enough, nothing can break you and your partner down. Hehe. Mine hancur so it is obvious it wasn't a strong one.

Another example:

"Sorry ah, I didnt do my research because I have no internet."
Are you stupid or something? Have you heard of Cyber Cafe before?

Sometimes, I really think there are people who don't seem to think properly and give stupid reasons to save their asses. But little did they realise; they are pulling their pants down at the same time. :)

But you got to admit, without people like this in our lives, it would be dull. Kan? :P

Life & Death

It is something that we can't control. You are borned today, you can be taken away the next day if its God's will. Life is precious and nobody knows when our lives will come to an end.

I had a close-to-death experiences because of relationship. But I do realize it is stupid to end our lives when its not time yet. My close friend's father unexpectedly left this world. It is a sorrowful situation. I know him. Kind, friendly. Rest in peace, Uncle. Deepest condolences to my friend and her family.

Cry your heart out, girl. Don't hold back anymore. It has to come out, don't hide your emotions. And I know, you will be stronger! In my case, though its just break up but I cried until I can't cry out anymore.

Now I see what is life, what is death. Papa said, that's the way it is; today she suffer, tomorrow another person will suffer.

I see it now, how powerful is God's will. Who knows who will go first? Who knows tonight is my last night ever?

Nobody will know. I do not want to regret so I want to live my life to the fullest, love the loved ones. In case tomorrow never comes, I love all of you people(family & friends) out there. Including you Kitts though you don't love me.

As for now, I shall take these painful experiences to make my backbone stronger. We are together in it.

:)

One hour before Earth Hour, and I'm called gorgeous. :)

Insecure, thinking of things that I don't wanna think of. Nat said, no matter I am still "the winner". :)

Anyway...

One of my best friend, Kalo decided to fetch me to TOA since we didn't meet for like a month or two. All I can say, she looked shocked in the car as I approached her.

Kalo: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU??!
Me: WHAT happened to me? *touch hair*
Kalo: You looked....SMALL.

Erm.. So it is true I did lose weight thanks to my eating disorder. I want to eat but I can't eat. I don't think I'm drastically skinny though. People told me about my cheeks losing its chubbyness, extra tyre missing.... Oh my.

A new friend told me that I'm a gorgeous young lady. It did put a smile on my face though I didnt want to admit to him. :) Thanks.

ONE SHORT STORY before I end this post.

I was rushing to ATM Machine for cash, left Zhia's Kitchen for awhile. As I came out, there was two Malay boys in front of me. I wanted to push them away, coz I want to walk fast! One of them realised my presence and you know what I'm going to say here la. typical story. They let me walked but they stay close to my back. takut they pull my bag!

"A'kum....W'slm" (they probably answered for me)
"Haiii...apa khabar. mesti khabar baik" (what the.....)

I walked towards Main Block of TOA for safety and saw Nat with her best friend(dont say the F word Nat!). I yelled out loud.."NATTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!! WASSSUPP??"

Lalu lelaki-lelaki tadi pun diam. Hanya senyum senyum, pandang pandang. Nat was like giving that face to them. :D

END.

What if one day you like your best friend's bro?

Part I
Reached college at 1.50pm and bumped into Yi Ling in front of photo printing shop. Went in to send some photos to be printed out. Came out and feels good to see Lydia & Estrella were with Yi Ling too. :) Girls, thanks for the crucial support last night. *hug*

We went into KFC but I was being the usual me, do not want to break my own promise. Yes, No KFC. Sila rujuk kepada banner sebelah kanan blog aku. :D And that's when I realised I have to get something done at Vision Art. But I went there FOR NOTHING. I saw so many people want to print. Tak payah print dulu la, I said to myself.

I walked fast while chewing Mentos, trying to calm down. As I was approaching Nikmat, 3 Malay men, with office attire smiled and gave way for me. I pretend not to notice them. They were disgusting enough when they purposely came near to me.

Busuk la! Lucky thing I was chewing Mentos, so the bad breaths didn't affect me much.

Why must come so near? Today is Friday you know. Don't kacau me, its ermm...sinful. Go pray and insaf la abang-abang bad breath.

Part II
It was fun to get involved with our final model photography shooting. :) We spent some time in Popular, siting on floor, planning, curi-curi tangkap gambar product. All fine though I kept reminiscing about our sweet memories whenever I see couples hold hands and hugging. Its okay. Didn't affect me. We ate at Formosa and I had my Braised Pork Rice. Didn't finish my food again. haha. Thanks for helping, Zi Kang. :D

Part III
Called Papa to fetch me. It was raining heavily. I followed BonBon around to get his W1MAX stuff done. Thanks BonBon for being a good" GIRL" . Haha. Kidding. Thanks for temaning me waiting for Papa. :) "Go shopping BonBon!"
Papa arrived. I played the CD and I was singing my heart out for the first time in front of Papa. What song? Duffy - Warwick Avenue. Ah. The lyric hit me right. I was in good mood singing the sad song. :)
"I'm leaving youuuu...for the last time BABEH! You said ur loving, but u dont loveeeee me" Hahahah.
Pity Papa have to tahan with my atrocious singing while driving in the rain.

Part IV (Thai translated to English)
I was talking about one of my best friend. Mum made fun of me when I talked about her.
Mama : What if one day you have Sikh BF? She and her family very nice people too. Who knows you fall for her big bro.
Me: MAMA!!!!!!!!!! What is this la??!!! I feel so awkward!! Stop laughing at me! Papa!!! See Mama!!
Mama: Why not? hahahaha.

Mama ni. hmmph! Not interested! I dont want love anymore la!

OK, those who might know who is my friend, please keep your mouth shut. Don't make me feel awkward. This is just a joke from Mama. Argh!

Beautiful

I love myself, my life. :)
Give me more fun and joy, happiness :)

Bless me. Shower me with lotsa love n care..

If you know me and you are reading this, I love you. :)

Truth

I have come to the point where I can think rationally and decide what I want to do.
Spill out all the truth, those dirty lies shall be gone.
Don't get me wrong. Feelings and memories remain but it will be less worthy as time files. Its like, "So what if I love you?"
"So what if you treat me right before this?"

Because, we cannot afford to stand here and get banged with those dirty lies anymore. People are selfish enough to get what they want. They wouldn't care how others feel. This man whom I called my prince charming, is no longer as charming as I thought. Sorry.

This man killed me from the inside. He has become the cause of pain to two girls who deserves better.

I'm numb to these. I don't need to say I'm hurt anymore. Coz I can't feel anything. I'm done with this. I'm trying to enjoy life here.

Once more truth is revealed, we both will know what kind of person this man is.

Thank you God for opening my heart, my eyes to the truth. I never expect to know. Yes.


P/s: Girls are not for you to play around with. You will regret one day.

Rusty

So how's the 3d class, Pern?
It was okay.

Did you screw you work?
Maybe I did.

Why Pern?
I had an internal struggle in myself and it was a harsh week to live through.

So how's your work? Prepared to show it here?
Yes, I will show you all. I know I could have done better, but at least I didn't give up. I tried my best out of the weak emotions in me.

Are you happy with this work?
Yes and No. No because I know I can do way better than this! Yes is because it symbolizes my internal struggle n this tough life for the time being and yes it was a rusty nasty week. I see it in my work.


Dark, nasty, rusty. Go away! I'm having fun now!

Oh btw, Happy belated burfday to Joanne, Ramyah, and Nikky Quek! :D

Curi-ed from Khai Whum's FB. Hehe.

Pencuri kek.Pencuri kek yg tamak. Haha!Muka zombie2 yg tk tidur mlm.Call us if you need us. We will be there for you! Hahaha! Wah Ben mmg on the phone la! xP

Welcome Back...

To myself. I love you Pern.

Sofia said some really powerful sentences that pumped me up. :)

That's the thing with you. You know what you must do just the word BUT is stopping you. BUT can go to hell!

That's something like what she said and I did my Concept Art assignment :P



Next thing, when I was in her car, on the way home.. she "slapped" me again. It was the question!

"how long you were single before you get Kitts?"
"errrr....less than a month. but but, I didnt plan anything. It came by itself FOR ONCE!"

Its true. I didnt flirt with anyone right after Prom Night 06. I was already telling myself to NOT get involved. But he came along and we fell in love. Weird how God makes this happened and then he break my heart. :)

But the thing is, I realised that I have been depending alot on my partner. Look at me. I looked into the mirror and I found that I didn't really take care of myself. I only love myself through someone who loves me.

This is, perhaps the right time, finally for me to learn to stand on my own feet and love and pamper myself. Make myself happy to be happy. Its time for me to learn to take responsibilites and enjoy this single life for a long term. I do not wish to fall in love again until I'm done with TOA. Studies comes first. Remember how hard I struggled to get in???!

Yes, I don't need a new partner to make me feel good. I need..me.
Though my heart feels pain sometimes,
though my heart feels like something is missing, empty,
I will be fine. soon. Now you see my progress. :)

I kept dreaming of him :(
I dont want it though the dream was sweeet..yeah like, he hug me and hold hands with me and all.. But when I'm awake, I realised it is just a dream. In reality, he is enjoying with his new girl. I'm back to be a dreamer while she used to be a dreamer. :)

So I told myself these dreams are nightmares!
"Hou keh lei, Chow keh fa kat" Dad said.
Cantonese. If you faham. Good one comes, bad one goes.

He is still in my head. LOL. Waitla, soon this dude will pack his bag and leave my mind alone. :D

Ps: I hate doing Concept Art before the class starts! I got one hour plus to trace for final piece. :( malasnya!

I don't.

Its already one week after the break up. It was on Friday he told me that he don't love me but love her. I have accepted it. But I think it is better to end things in good way. I hate fighting, foul language, enemies. Argh.

I would like to move on without hard feelings, no matter what happens. I read through my older posts about it, and I feel like I'm getting more matured about this. :)

Yes, everything happens for a reason. It could be test from God. It could be that it is already written by God that things should be this way.

I do not want to have this bad feelings in my heart anymore. Let us move on together, go on our own paths. Let's accept what God gives us. I have reasons for not making friends with you as I want to heal my heart. Don't missunderstood. I said I hate you and all, but the truth is, I don't. Not really. We can be friends in future perhaps, when we are better. Let's give space to one and another.

Let's get moving. Only God knows what is future like. Each day, I have more strength injected into my body and it came from family and friends, and also myself. Yes. I love myself. Let's just take this break up as a lesson of life.

I know, everything that happens have its good and bad sides.

Thanks for the sweet 2 years of memories. :) Maybe we will meet in next life. :)

End of The End.

Finally, its the end of the end. :D

He is so fucked up. Still wanna remain friends with me after stabbing my heart few times. Sorry dude. You are the worst boyfriend I ever had though you are the best at the same time. Woohoo. You killed me inside.

Now, it is confirmed that I'm superbly single, need no one like him anymore. I dont blame the girl.
Simple becoz, if a guy loves you for real, he won't go for another girl. :) easy.

But!

Gosh. My heart is like burning...Its on heat or something! And when I cooled down, I felt like its empty. Like there's a hole inside. :P Burning!!! I can't forgive this idiot. Deepest cut I ever had.

Don't worry. No future chances for me and him. Impossible. He better treat her right. I do not want her to go through this pain. Its tough to fight back.

But I know, it will take some time to heal. But I am not going to forget this part of my life. Fell in love with an idiot who makes empty promises. wargh!! No more love for you babeh. You are so yesterday, since yesterday.

Sofia, Ben. haha. I went to Mama's shoulder again.. She said, "cry all out tonight and live your life like normal tomorrow".
I do not want my parents to interfere with this idiot case. I can handle it ;)

I know I will get back on track slowly. God... its nearing the final already. Ish! Stupid Kitts. Look at what you have done! Saying sorry is not helping. live your damn life and go study law till your head explode la! Since the time you studied too much, you are pretty messed up in the head. You can't think rationally. I believe in karma. Just watch. Your life is not going to be easy. Not cursing you, but this is truth. I have no idea how you are going to move on with the guilty feelings that wraps you! Hmmm..


Maybe you are heartless, so you won't feel anything.

whatever it is. Bye bye. I'm leaving. You dont need me and for sure, I dont need you.

P/s: sorry for emofying posts. I have to let it go here. Hehe

I'm your daughter. always.

Today I hugged Mama with tears rolling down to her right shoulder.
I never thought she would comfort me and rub my back.
I never thought of feeling the motherly side of her again at this age of almost 20.
She used to be an image of a fierce mother.
I was wrong.
I finally hug my Mama after almost 14 years.
I apologized to her for hurting her feelings.
I apologized to Papa too.


Little did I realise that they are the most important people in my life. Without them, who am I..
Losing a boyfriend that I loved too much was painful, but
have you ever thought that one day, your parents will leave this world?
I rather go through all the break ups in the world than losing Papa & Mama.
I rather die than losing them.

Thank you Ean and Sofia.
It was real slap on my face too.
I'm better now. Healed 90%.
because I realised more things each day.

Today is the biggest realization ever - My Papa & Mama.

If Kitts is not mine, its okay. I still have Papa & Mama. :)

I want to dedicate this post to everyone who is going through break up. Think of your beloved parents and friends who will get hurt if you keep acting like break up is the end of the world. It wasn't. Life goes on.

P/s: I love you Papa, Mama. I'm proud to be your daughter.

HOHOHO

I have now found out who is the girl that Kitts "loves". The girl who stole him from me. Lalalala. Expected her to be nice, but she is not nice, ppl. She is just another bitch la...i think. She don't want to reply me. haha.

Oh, NVM.

You can have Kitts. I had enough. I'll just get better in time and forget all these. Not easy to forget the one you loved too much! But! I can do it because Kitts can easily hurt my feelings, so can I!

Moving on moving on. Hai wela hua jai. Waiting for them to fall in love and fly to UK together. Go away. Bad feng shui. Afeno, yes you are right. We don't know who is the bad one behind these. So, I couldn't care anymore. Blablabla. NUMB. This heartache shall be gone soon. And I don't need to flirt or instantly have a new partner to do this.

yeah, I'm better than you. Us in future? Man, I don't know. Its up to God. But let me tell you this, if one day you come back and I do not love you anymore, i'm so so sorry. But it wouldn't be easy for me to forgive you either. It's too lateeeee!

Hmmph! Yeah, you will only remain as my memory, as the DBU that I loved too much. Its history.

how i wish time flies faster. and I really want to be 30 years old woman for now. At least I skipped this part of my life. hehe.

P/s: I'm better each day, just need self-motivation and friends around me to motivate me. :)

Awesome. Oh Wow.

Hello readers.
I'm here to say, I'm getting better. I feel fine. :)
I'm getting back on track, got mood for assignments..but I still can't run away from the 4 letter word la. L***. Mr. Syed ajar.

Let time tell. Kitts said. Bart said. Ben said. Sofia said. Dad said.
And I agree. After letting all out last night, I feel so damn fine.
I'm okay, won't create chaos like yesterday anymore.
Sorry Samson, BonBon, Estrella, Ben. Didn't mean to make u guys too worried.
At least I'm still alive here. hahaha!

Samson's ayat mmg tk blh bla. But I do appreciate it. :)
Something like...
"Wei Answer me! Don't die!"
"Pern Dont do stupid stuff to hurt yourself. Everybody loves your blog"

LOL. But hey, I really felt touched. Ben's SMS too. :)
Btw, I don't really on my hp.
Feels like its useless now. I dont really use it. So forgive me for not replying.
Only on the hp if I need to use. :D

Lalala. I got to do 2D animation. Weight. Ah malasnya~! Didn't even edit Floursack too.

P/s: People actually read and like my recycle bin? Really??

Thank You

Thank you Palmy for writing such a beautiful song. I'm using it to move on. I feel stronger listening and watching your video, Tob Tuan (see my last last post, i embedded ady!)

Do you know what she was trying to say? Here. Share with you. Sharing with all the people who have to go through these break up nonsense in this season.

yoo gup sai lom yoo gup saeng dao yoo gup kwaam ngao jai
Being with the breeze, being with the star light, being with a lonely heart.

yoo gup peun din yoo gup peun sai bloi hai jai waang blao
Being with the earth, being with the soil, letting the heart go free.

top tuan took sing top tuan took yaang kwaam lung tee mun ben kong rao
Reviewing everything, reviewing every way, the past that we have had.

perng ker-ee roo seuk perng ker-ee roo juk gup ruk tee dtong maa buat rao
I just feel it now, I just know it now, that with love comes a splitting pain.

yaak ja hai dtua yaak ja hai bai mai hai krai hen naa
I want to disappear, I want to be gone, not to let anyone see my face.

lop jaak poo kon lop jaak sai dtaa hai we-laa hua jai
To avoid the people, to avoid the looks, give my heart some time.

top-tuan took sing top-tuan took yaang reuang rao ra waang rao maak mai
To review well everything, to review well every way, the story that was between us.

sia dai tee soot sia jai tee soot gup a-rai tee mun paan bai jop bai laew
I mostly regret and I mostly feel sorry for what I had to go through. It's already over.

top-tuan took sing top-tuan took yaang reuang rao ra waang rao maak mai
To review well everything, to review well every way, the story that was between us.

sia dai tee soot sia jai tee soot gup a-rai tee mun paan bai jop bai laew
I mostly regret and I mostly feel sorry for what I had to go through. It's already over.

art mai leua ter art mai leua krai art ja doo rai kaa
There may be nothing left from you, there may be nothing left of anyone, maybe it didn't worth much.

art mai dai kwaam art mee nam dtaadtae pa-yaa-yaam kao jai
It may not be presentable, there may be tears, but I will make an effort to understand.

top-tuan took sing top-tuan took yaang ja tam jai hai yorm rup dai
Review everything, review every way, to prepare myself to deal with bad things.

chun ja mai grot chun ja mai gliat paan maa gor hai mun paan bai jop bai laew
I will not be angry, I will not hate, I'll go through this phase. It's already over.

Kitts, trust me. I dont even wanna hate you or that damn girlfriend of yours. You left me no choice. But I'm trying to let go of u, since you left me hanging here. I suffered enough. It has not stopped. But I will do my best. I want to forget you, I want to loose the love feelings towards you. Wanna forget our memories. There's nothing sweet anymore. All the kisses and hugs are not important anymore. You are not worthed to be remembered. No guys to be worth remembered when they cheated on me. I'm gonna tell myself that you are just history. You are my past, that soon I will not remember. I do not want to love, coz I dare not love anymore. My last hope was gone. Maybe in next life, we would meet again. Maybe we won't meet in this life anymore. Maybe we will forget everything soon.

I love myself. I dont wanna hurt myself. Yesterday, I want to end my life again. Just the feeling. Didn't do anything coz I sat down and meditated. I calmed down and went to sleep. Yesterday, I finally told Kitts all that feel. I honestly hate his gf. But then again, life must go on.

Listen to Palmy's Tob Tuan song. Review, rearrange back my life. simply because Kitts does not have any rights to destroy my life, my heart, my future career, my education. I know I will have a bright future without a man. I don't need a man to be beautiful. I used to feel ugly after break up. No, I should love myself.

Friends, please be there for me because Kitts is hopeless, I can't turn to somebody's bf anymore. He could have help me, but he can't. Advice is not going to help, Kitts. You think its easy huh? Nvm, after all, you have broken the promise. You used to promise to love me and never go for another girl. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Joke of the year. Look at you now. Look at me now. What happened? Who's fault? Things aren't that bad, until you choose to bring your damn gf in. THANKS!

Tob tuan took sing! Tob tuan took yang! reuang rao ra waang rao maak mai! (see lyric)

DG78.Concept Art period. Check out my eyebags.

Concept Art class. I was still emotionally not stable. but I did do something fun. BTW, my class got lots of boys, so I'm not trying to show that I'm flirting around eh! PLS ah! I like to be around them :P Click to enlarge!
ok, this is just a joke. they are not gay. they are my good friends. hahhaa. The camera was used by others too.Nikky got no twins. this is just coincidence. Same person. two different pics put together.
I dont know who took this but omg..what are the boys doing??? :OBonBon camwhore.. oh no! He took my camera!
BonBon lost his head. hahahaha!
Jia Yung goes blurr. hahahahah! Nikky warned him about the flash. but he didnt do anything. -_-"
This pic is requested by BonBon. Uploaded ady!Estrella & me berbicara. Lol.Click to enlarge..see la, my eyebag :| See my pimples too!
Four ladies: Lydia, Estrella, Me, Yi Ling.
I wished I'm older. Be more matured, more optimistic. But then, I don't wanna grow up. :S
Ouch. Gross. Samson pinched Chee Sang's Lai Bung's nipples!Another gross shot! Oh no. Chee Sang, Tak sakit ker, BonBon bwat tuh?

I think we are all mad, too caught up with ASSignments. But nothing stopped me from letting my tears roll down while eating Pan Mee. It came by itself. See how much pain I'm going through when I lost him?

But, I love myself. I don't want to hurt myself. Hope I can make it. if only he comes back to me..... :'(

P/s: Friends yang terasa offended, Im sorry. But I have to upload these. You guys made my day, at least. And Thanks Stan for that lesson. :)

Almost

Today I saw and experienced how I fought hard to achieve something without being stopped. I didn't get to study for exam last night for the break up. but today, I pushed myself. Im okay. But me & Nat were late for exam. It was horrible. I almost puke and fainted on the road. If Nat wasn't there to carry me, I swear I won't be taking the exam today. Thanks Nat :)

I was stopped at the lobby, told to sit down and rest, but it didn't happened. I pushed Nat away and climb hard on the stairs to reach 3rd floor. Almost fell back. Sorry Nat...

It was like fighting for my life. Hard to explain. You need to experience it. I told myself, nobody can stop me. I feel good though I have to struggle with the pain. I was not emotionally stable and I only had a half piece of bread today, nothing else. Then, after exam, I have people helping me out. Thanks for the hug, Sofia. And thanks alot u guys, for forcing me to eat that roti telur.

Suddenly, I feel so damn good bout myself. :)
I must tell myself, that I love myself. :) I do love you. I do. I won't hurt myself anymore. :)

And tonight I shall work hard on the 3 thumbs proposal. I can do it. And Estrella, thanks for the Gatsby song. Hahaha! I feel so good now... :)

Life's great!

P/s : Thanks to the 15 people who cared for me tru various ways. Muahxxx!

Today.

I didn't have a fully good sleep.
Punching pillow with anger, holding back tears. I hate my tears. I do not want to cry.
I dreamed about my ex-boyfriend kissing me on the cheek. Anyway, its just a dream that will never come true. So I do no want to say anything bout that.

Today I'm awake, to move on with strength.
I know, from this moment, I'm no longer his girlfriend, no longer own a place in his heart. Someone took my place. A better someone, or else he wouldn't have given that stupid girl a chance. I hate her though I don't know her. She kinda messed up my relationship with him. THANK YOU. Problems about to be solved but he must bring in a third party. HOW LOVELY. this is why I blame it all on you Kitts. Cheating is the worst part of all. You don't want me, tell it straight to my face. No need to date another fucking woman behind my back. Everytime I imagine them, it feels like a bullet shot into my heart.

My body is heaten up. I'm shaking, shivering. Why??
I still can feel my own anger. I slept with this awkward feeling... Still can't believe that he actually CHEAT on me.
I feel like punching his face and slapping that bitch. Ahh..nevermind. God will punish them for me. I don't need to do anything. NUMB. I'm falling sick again. No appetite.

Don't worry bout me, friends. I will be fine. Won't think of committing suicide anymore. I will live my day, endure the pain of a broken heart. Don't need to introduce any guys to me. I'm fine on my own. I do not want to lovc anymore. Ahh..I feel like vomiting now. Am I really ill? Maybe.

Dear friends, no matter who you are, best friend to old friend to ex-schoolmate to college friends, even strangers.. I love you. Thanks for supporting me. I need to be surrounded by all of you, not just one person. I don't want to be alone by myself for too long, in order to avoid negative thinking. Don't wanna die too soon.

P/s: its a bloody trend to cheat on your partner.

This is a suitable song for me. Tob Tuan means rearrange everything in your life, start all over again. I feel what she sings. Thai song.

realisation

I am strong enough.
You can go on. Marry her, love her, kiss her, hug her.
It hurts to say this but you have made your choice.
Congrats. Hope you will treat her right.

I feel very tired. numb.

I hope I can do my work tonight.

Getting to know you is probably a mistake. Shouldn't love you. Should have hold on to my promise not to have anyone after the last heartbreak. Why did we fell in love? If we don't click, why hold on till today? Why are you so selfish? Why can't you wait for me if you really love me? Maybe you don't, that's why.

Why do you hide away whenever you are in hell? What am I supposed to do when you don't open up? Why, of all the things, you have to cheat on me? Why did that girl appear? Why she must do this? Why is she so selfish/desperate? Is she after your heart or what?

Don't apologize. Don't say a word. Don't appear in front of me. Don't care for me. Don't remember me. Don't love me.

What ever happened to the older Kitts, who claim he will die without Apple? Did he died long time ago? I love him, not you. I want him back, not the selfish you. I only love him, not you.

I know you are not reading this. I don't care. I'm lifeless thanks to you. No forgiving, no forgeting. remember that for the rest of your life, even when you are kissing and hugging her.

I hate you, from the bottom of my heart. I love the older you only.

Break up. for real.

hi readers. I'm here to inform you about me and Kitts. We are not longer together.

Now,
no one will call me Small Girl anymore,
no one will call me Dear anymore,
no one will call me useless anymore,
no one will spank me anymore,
no one will kiss real hard on my cheeks anymore,
no one will care about my blackheads, pimples and nails anymore,
no one will fetch me home with a Kancil anymore,
no one will hug me real tight anymore,
no one will call me for long hours anymore,
no more sweet or naughty SMSes,
no more perfect couple picture,
no more sushi date,
no more massaging head,
no more no. 1, 2,3 lampost stories,
no more 89.90,
no more ABCD,
no more talking bout MJP,
no more sniffing perfume,
no one to play with my cheeks anymore,

no heart to be handled with care anymore.

no more Kitts Darling.

Kitts, thanks for breaking my heart into million pieces. You just got a new girlfriend before we break up officially. Congrats. bravo. You are now under the same category with them. You cheated on me, and that's the thing I can't believe till now. You are being too selfish, thinking you are the only one who suffered. I've been through worse situation than you. And now you can't handle the stress and commitment. Shame on you Kitts.

You said you need support. but you didn't let me do so. You think I can't help you...so what's your explaination about your new gf? What does she have that I don't?

You said you got no time for me. So by dating her, who happened to be in same college with you can save time?

You said you love me. but why must break my sensitive heart? You don't know how to treat a girl right. You mum was right, "Apple is going to cry alot"..

I don't know.... I know I have to be strong. But its not that easy. Who would have thought YOU will get another girlfriend when you are having problem with me? Kitts, you are just like most of the guys out there.

So, congrats. You are the real man now. You can go cheat all the way you want. I don't need a man to love me now. It hurts so much. I almost commited suicide in the bathroom. but something stopped me in the head.

Life goes on. Remember this, I will never forgive you till my last breath. I know I can't forget you for the rest of my life because I never loved anyone this much before. I hate you so much but at the same time, I still love you.

God, tell me why I have to go through break ups many times? Take me away if you want to make me suffer more, because I have no more feelings. I do not want to open my heart anymore. I regret opening it for Kitts.

I just want to be loved by a man. Why Kitts... Sorry can't cure this.

Elektra

I didn't do my marker rendering with full effort. :(

because I wanted more sleep. Procrastinating. Gaming. Music. Chat.

Look at my final piece. I'm upset that I can't use the original colour of Elektra's clothing (Red). Must revamp the colours. Shouldn't take Elektra, but some other complicated character clothing.

But she looks godly with yellow. hahahaha. the bg is done in photoshop, definitely not markers, or else you can call me GENIUS.

I regret making friends with you.

Sometimes, have you ever regret making friends with certain people? I'm feeling that way since my "friend" showed his true colours. I feel like asking for Doraemon's help, using "Pintu Ajaib" to turn back time.

Wished I wasn't too kind, too nice. :( I regret this till today.
Allow me to share with you. Come, step into my shoes.

It was year 2007, before Kitts and I are officially together, just dating for 4 months. I didn't enroll into TOA yet but I was looking for small jobs here and there like teaching in V.I, some data entries..e.g. Kalo, my bestfriend, asked me to join her for this two in one job at Kuantan, Pahang. I was pretty excited to be near the beach. First job was for Herbalife's event at Swiss Garden Hotel. Ada mamat melayu nie kept coming near saying hi to me, sunggug menyampahkan. Second job was for Fiesta Media Idola. I shaked hands with Siti! I saw Datuk K, Mawi, Fasha Sandha, Tomok, 3R, Pierre Andre.bykla..Starstruck walaupun tk minat.

Me & Kalo are the only girls, doing event management and I felt awkward working together with a group of foreign workers. They are from Kalo's dad's company. I was trying to get along and it was fine. One of the workers, named D was very friendly with me. I don't mind at that time. We talked, laughed. Funny. Kalo & I were okay with D. We exchanged number. STUPID! I wished I didn't exchange!

Since that day, I kept getting calls and SMSes from D. I'm not that kind of person who can SMS all the way, unless you are Kitts or certain friends. Since he stayed in Brickfields too, I can't run away from him! He knows where I live, he knows my number, he knows my email. Fuck.

I'm starting to get sick of him. He kept e-mailing me, saying "hey I saw you today, wearing bla bla bla, you hair is down..."

Tell me, who wouldn't freak out, especially when a person can describe alot about you.

Let me just list down what I hate about him :

1. Too frequent contacting me tru SMSes and Calls.
2. After I told him to end this friendship, he kept using public phones to call me BUT he won't talk. Just breathing. I'm scared.
3. He kept e-mailing me, describing things about me whenever he sees me.
4. He is about to go back to India and marry someone and he acts like a stalker?? Ew. (arranged marriage btw)

I was afraid. I don't want to change hp number because I wanna face it. I can't block his emails either!

After he went back to India for so long, I felt peaceful. No stalking, No prank calls, No SMSes. BUT EMAIL! Damn it. He kept telling me how is he doing and asked bout me. I dont wanna know! I hate every inch of you, D. Wished I never knew you.

Why I decided to type these out? because after so long, he just e-mailed me few hours ago.



Now you understand? Would you still want to continue this friendship, that might lead to danger? Stalking is not how you make friends with people. Tell me wht do you think?

Wedding.

Don't laugh at me please.
Let's make it short.

I dreamed that I got married to Kitts last night. xP

Best! Dahla I love weddings!

Tonight I hope to continue the wedding ceremony in my dream. Hehehehe.

Paranoid + Perasan = Disturbia

Hie, certain seniors in my college.

I'm scared of you guys. Not in the sense of scared being hit but...

Its the way you guys stare at me. Freaky. Particularly you, Mr. Mimpi. (only certain people know who is this dude) You have been looking at me weirdly since I was in Term 2. I'm scared la idiot!

Why these seniors stare at me like that?
Allow me to copy Aguilera's Beautiful lyric "Don't look at me".

What did I do wrong, seniors? Bukannya aku kenal kau pun. Okay, I know your names only la. No big deal.

Please stop looking at me weirdly, as if I killed someone. It freaks me out, makes my heart pump faster. Cuak tau.


So don't blame me for staring back at you when you are not staring, coz I'm busy analysing what the hell is in your head when you stare at me. Don't blame me for laughing at you when I'm with friends.

Ah, Mr. Mimpi, Mamat Motor Poyo, MB Lookalike....I don't know la..
If you want to know why I looked weird in your eyes, approach me, ask me nicely. Don't worry I won't perasan lebih2.

I'm not paranoid, coz I know this well. I got witnesses too. kekekeke. Staring is not that harmful and everybody has the rights to look look, jeling jeling, stare stare, blink blink...but please, there are limits. Don't do this too much, it makes me feel disturbed.

Stop looking at me, seniors. I just wanna study and socialise. I don't intend to get your attentions either. Warghh!!!

Love those balls. xD

Im not pervert la.anyway..

The world seems to be a better place.
I can breathe in and out slowly..fresh air.
Rainbow, butterflies, roses.. heeee~!

In conclusion, everything seems to be fine.
I got no more problems to worry off.
Love life is fine.
College life is stressful great.
Home is always sweet home.
Money for education can always be considered later when Im about to get my butts in Year 3. :)

Owh yeah. Malacca trip.
It was fun for our group 2 combined with the Illustration students for this trip. Yes Stan, you are right, "we all did have fun". They karaoked ALOT in the double decker bus. Those who stays on top get to hear the lame old Chinese songs. You can see a younger Dicky Cheung, Andy Lau, Aaron Kwok. All also handsome. Haha! Not much pics about the trip except the assignment parts. Dare not waste my battery or space, unlike BonBon and Samson. Simply snap my pics to bully me! hmmph! of course la, 8GB.

First destination : Bukit Cina temple. Where "paparazzi"(BonBon & Samson) caught me. Where I saw Jon pray hard.

Second destination : The red house area. Where I got interviewed alot by men and women there. They wondered why I'm the only Malay girl joining a big bunch of Chinese students. They wondered if The One Academy is a high school thanks to the shirts we wore. They thought my boyfriend was this dude who is in my class!(will not be revealed to prevent ejekan). And responsed immediately, NO NO!! Crossed the road to drink coconut and ended up with worse stomach ache. Searched for toilet high and low for my big business sake. Amazingly lost the pain when I enter the church with Lydia and Yi Ling!

Third destination : Jonker Street. Where we had Hailam Chicken Rice Balls. A must to show the pics! Now you know why I put my title like that?Got that same tummy ache pain but nothing happened when I got into toilet. weird. After makan, we all got seperated and went shopping while taking photographs. I bought some cute stuff and a beautiful pencil case. I saw a couple taking wedding photograph. So beautiful. Handsome couple.

Fourth destination : A Famosa. Took a group photograph with BonBon's camera. Saw the beautiful couple again.Got entertainment there too. Two musicians. Awesome. they can even sing popular chinese songs.




Fifth destination : Menara Tamingsari. Syiok. 7 minutes just t0 get a full view of Malacca above all buildings. I freaked out a little but it was nice. Estrella discovered "Marlboro" in her pic. Same as me. Do you see it? :P banyak kotak rokok!

Final destination : TOA. Back to college with barbequed skin, and also 3 pinkish patches on nose and cheeks. "Died" on the bed by 11.30 pm. The next day, during Conceptual Rendering class, the usual noisy group actually died. Lucky thing I finished my Wonder Woman before Malacca trip. phewww.