My Demoreel

I will be graduating in few months time.
And its time to compile my best works and make a best portfolio out of it. For certain majors like mine, we need a demoreel as well.

I have my demoreel here. As I promised earlier, I will upload it to share with you people. This demoreel is done for the sake of class submission.

Another better version( i mean, more work to show off) will be done another time. I have more stuffs to put in.

Nvm. You can watch this for now. :D
Sorry for the bad quality yeah. Colour is not supposed to be this ugly.Hehehehe.





You can comment too. Can critique too - properly critique okay!

One of my lecturer (clue is McD) saw this and asked
"Where's all your animation work?"
I replied : I don't like those character animations. And I'm not planning to show any either coz that's my weakness. I'm more into these stuffs that I showed in here.

Then he told me compositor is a different field or something, compared to what work I've showed. He told me to change the position to MOTION GRAPHIC ARTIST.

Omg so confusing. Nvm.

My another lecturer (She is our godmother!) checked out my work and told me that my strengths are compositing & editing.. Modeling also not bad. Well, I'm happy to hear that she liked some of my artwork :D

I think I have a plan for now. Since I'm working part time at Antara Media, I might as well go full time soon while waiting for the Rhythm & Hues studio's next opening for BG Prep Artist. I've informed my lecturer about my plan. Hope everything will work out properly.

And I did asked myself this:
Pern, are you happy with what you are doing now?

I confidently answered " Yes I am". In fact I felt lucky to have a part time job before I actually graduate :) And I love my job so far ;)

This is not a father's day post.

Everything has been getting really difficult lately.
I guess this is the down part of my life.

I thought there was no more heartache or problems to be faced.
I was wrong.

Last night was Father's Day. I'm not as lucky as other children out there; spending some time with their fathers. My Papa was not with us on that night. He was in Institut Jantung Negara (IJN).

I felt the pinch when I see or read about people being very happy with their fathers. I could only call him on the phone and wished him Happy Father's Day. That time, it was the moment when I felt so jealous of other families.

Papa is still fine. He told us that it would be just some sort of heart cleaning process, because 3 out of the four parts are blocked. I'm not very sure what it's called.

Today, Papa called me in the afternoon to inform me that his situation is bad and can only be cured by heart operation. Tears came down to my cheeks as he was telling me this. My heart ached so badly. I'm still shocked to learn about Papa's situation. He told me to be brave and stop crying.

Papa said he will be fine. I know he will be.

I'm just very worried. I need to stay positive for my father, my mother, my sister and myself. I know this is one of the challenges in my life that I must face.

The operation date is still not confirmed. My aunt convinced me that it is good enough to detect this situation earlier, rather than having him getting heart attack from this condition.

I was told to pray hard. I can't seem to do that. I felt guilty for starting to pray suddenly. Very selfish to do that. But I will read those 5 lines taken from the Buddhism prayers bible. And most importantly, I should not think too much. I should believe in miracles and stop getting paranoid.

I need to get on my life like normal and stop crying about this because I know Papa is going to be fine again.

My Problem is You

Sorry readers, whether you exist or not..
Allow me to express this out here.

I have been having issues with myself.
I can't seem to find my self-confidence.
I can't seem to be proud of who I have become.
In fact, I'm very worried about myself.
I've been hurting myself a lot by reminding myself of my weaknesses.

Most importantly, I do not know what's my strength anymore.

I am still not confident and comfortable with my body.

I've been feeding my mind and heart with negative thoughts lately.

I do not need sympathy. I just need
POSITIVE FACTS & THOUGHT
MOTIVATION
SELF-CONFIDENCE
CLEAR MINDSET
CHANGE OF THINKING PERSPECTIVE

And after breaking down and all that dramas,
I realised what I need to do.

I talked to myself before I sleep, in my heart.
I comfort my own mind and soul.
I think of ways to change myself in & out.
I get my loved ones to make me happy and laugh.
I let it all out to him so that he sees what's going on in my stupid head, and help me out.

I felt much better, for the moment.

Personally, the other main issue right now is my body.
I need to stop torturing myself with unnecessary food.
I come to realise that once I'm comfortable with my body,
I will get back my self-confidence
and I will not be ashame of myself.

I'm feeling short, fat & ugly.
I'm gonna get rid of that statement.

I can. I will.

P/s: except for the part of me being SHORT.

Criticize With a Good Reason, Please?

Ermm. You know, I was wondering all these while. Since everyone loves to criticize other people, but why not everyone can give a good reasons and points to support their critiques?

Oh I know why. We are all different. ;)

There were many things that makes me think alot of this matter. Not just one incident. So I'm making this a general one.

I asked myself sometimes if I have a reason why I didn't like someone or something that leads to critique. This is my own way to ensure that I'm not just commenting because of jealousy. Because that is so stupid.

If its about bitches who interfere purposely or by no intention in my relationship, yes there is an exception. Jealousy. And insecurity. Because we do not trust them. Therefore, I will criticize on their inappropriate behaviour. Yes, I do not like perempuan gedik/ ngada2 sticking to my man. And that would be none of your business btw.

If its about people that I dislike, yes I do criticize them a lot. Mind you, I always have reasons for everything that I do or say. Simple. There must be something about that particular person that I really cannot accept, that leads to disliking that person. When I'm not comfortable with a person, I rather stay away than being a hypocrite. Its not easy being one; I cant stand giving fake smiles and laughs.

If its about something that I dislike, well, there must be reasons right? This part is much related to arts/college. Well, art people knows that they need to hear out the critique no matter how harsh it could be, in order to improvise. I've heard bad critiques from lecturers before. It hurts but at least they give constructive comments and it comes with a solution!

What about people who are at the same level with us - as in friends/classmates?

Hey, you do not have to follow the trend of giving harsh comments. Seriously, giving harsh comments without a good reason and solution is just gonna make you look stupid, not looking intelligent. Nobody is perfect. So please choose your words carefully. Critiques are meant to help people, not bringing a person's spirit down.

Again I was thinking. If one can see the goods and bads that the creator can't see, it means they could have at least suggest something right? Not just say "Its bad and I don't know why?" Hahahaha! Its funny to hear that a person knows its bad but with no reasons. Seriously, they must be confused.

People and their words. Sometimes, they don't realise what they do or say.

What a sad reality.

My new identity. Check it out.

Papa was in hospital for awhile due to fever. We forced him to get to the hospital before history repeats again. One night, he asked us to bring his medication for the doctors.

It was not a good news for us. We have to travel. None of us can drive Papa's van. One thing I like about Brickfields is that we can get bus easily to go to Pasar Seni. wahahahah. We took took a RapidKL bus to get there.

I was the one to pay the bus fare, while Mama & Yen went to sit.
While waiting for the driver to print the ticket..

Driver : Dtg Brickfields sini beli sari ke?
Me : Hah? *a sec pause* takla.
Driver: Oh habis tuh? Bwat apa kat sini?
Me : Saya duk sini.
Driver: Oooooo...

In my mind, I was getting depressed already. Now I looked Indian? No more Malay looks? Oh wow. How depressing. I blamed my skin colour at that very moment. Perhaps I looked Chindian. Hmmmm.

Driver: Tadi tuh, kakak-kakak awak eh?
Me : Hah? Itu Ibu dan adik saya la.
Driver: ooooooo..

And I quickly took the tickets and immediately sat down. Now what? I looked younger because of my outstanding height? Or was it my stupid kanak-kanak Ribena face?

Gosh. Suddenly I have two big sisters, went to Brickfields to get some sarees. -__-". I was a Punjabi(Kalvinder's relative people claimed) in Kuantan. And I was back to being a Malay. Recently, I'm an Indian girl.

Oh well. I think I'm coping well with these racial situations. I take this as an advantage for being one of the mixed ones. It will never be an disadvantage, unless 13th May happens again and I can't imagine how screwed I will be. Will the Malays attack me for being a Chinese for real? Or will the Chinese attack me for having a Malay face?

That's going to make a good nightmare for me.

ANYWAY,
Yes, I'm still busy with everything I have right now. It has been 2 weeks and I enjoyed my part-time job as much as my final project development. So true, I have no time for nonsense. Its all about commitment now.

I just finished editing my portfolio webpage and demoreel as well. Mungkin akan post sini bila aku ada masa yer? XD

Hello, Its My Backyard, NOT Rubbish Dump Area!

I think I complained alot about my neighbours(certain ones) all these while. What to do. Maybe most of the Brickfields people are really irrational and have low mentalities.

It was a boring day earlier.
Mama went out for mini grocery shopping.
TV watched Papa to sleep. (you get it?)
Sis went for Karate and came back to get ready
...and off to MidValley for class reunion.

I decided to do house chores while Mama's away. Last activity was cleaning up my backyard. I think I discovered many "treasures" from my beloved neighbours who live happily above me.

Here's the list of treasures I found.
1. Used toothbrush (green)
2. Used toothpastes (only remembered Zaitun)
3. Fab Total empty packets
4. Sunsilk Care & Repair (orange)
5. Men's shaver + blade
6. Some unknown ladies' cream for facial/body
7. USED CONDOM

Imagine if item 1 to 6 were already pissing me off, how do u think I felt when I discovered a used condom at my backyard?

Its very disgusting. I believe my neighbours would have the same rubbish dump system like mine too. But why can't they be rational? I'm very pissed and upset over this.

I still can tolerate with other items, but not with a used condom, okay? Gosh! After having sex, go dispose that condom properly la! Do you have to throw to my backyard, to let me know that you are active? cheik!!!

I told Mama about this. Well, nobody is going to be happy to know that there is a used condom thrown at the back of our house. What an insult.

Fatal Error : You can never predict it.

I was doing the environment UV unwrap and texture happily in the 3dlab2, until... Maya decided to betray me.So, yes.. boys and girls, remember to press CTRL + S as many times as you can when you're doing some stuffs in Maya, or whatever that software you're using.

So pissed. There you go, an effing emo report that I nearly send to Autodesk. Hmmph!

Ok, updates. Here's the environment shots. Ignore the lighting. Focus on work in progress of texturing. In case if people asks, this environment is not supposed to be smooth. It is square-ish style.Used Mental Ray. Plants are from Paint Effect, which I converted to polygons because my teammates decided to use Mental Ray rendering for the final outcome.

Not done objects : hundreds of books, a magazine, TV, hanging rack, clock, bookcases, drawer, DVD players, photo frames, mirror, wallpapers, candle decorations.

I know, I know. I'm slow. :P

BY THE WAY,
I never expected this but I've got a part time job in the same company with my sister. Boo! ahahah! Not to worry; I'm the multimedia designer while she does clerical work. I only apply for two months. I'm not sure with my decisions yet. So, I might consider to go full-time if I don't have any other better and suitable options. I might have a chance to apply for BG Prep artist/Lighter in Rhythm & Hues studio.

I seriously do not know what to choose for now, but I hope to gain a good experience as a compositor while working for two months in this current company. It is convenient for me as the company is right behind my house. No transport problem. :) Let's see how things work for this two months.

At least, I have made up my mind, and I'm thankful for that. Compositing/Visual Effects for me! I like 3d modeling too, but so sad to say that I'm only confident in non-character objects or environment. (isn't that obvious? I'm working on final project environment design)

And oh crap. I forgot to see the dentist. One of my tooth got chipped off a little, after I enjoyed those jambus. :P