This is not a father's day post.

Everything has been getting really difficult lately.
I guess this is the down part of my life.

I thought there was no more heartache or problems to be faced.
I was wrong.

Last night was Father's Day. I'm not as lucky as other children out there; spending some time with their fathers. My Papa was not with us on that night. He was in Institut Jantung Negara (IJN).

I felt the pinch when I see or read about people being very happy with their fathers. I could only call him on the phone and wished him Happy Father's Day. That time, it was the moment when I felt so jealous of other families.

Papa is still fine. He told us that it would be just some sort of heart cleaning process, because 3 out of the four parts are blocked. I'm not very sure what it's called.

Today, Papa called me in the afternoon to inform me that his situation is bad and can only be cured by heart operation. Tears came down to my cheeks as he was telling me this. My heart ached so badly. I'm still shocked to learn about Papa's situation. He told me to be brave and stop crying.

Papa said he will be fine. I know he will be.

I'm just very worried. I need to stay positive for my father, my mother, my sister and myself. I know this is one of the challenges in my life that I must face.

The operation date is still not confirmed. My aunt convinced me that it is good enough to detect this situation earlier, rather than having him getting heart attack from this condition.

I was told to pray hard. I can't seem to do that. I felt guilty for starting to pray suddenly. Very selfish to do that. But I will read those 5 lines taken from the Buddhism prayers bible. And most importantly, I should not think too much. I should believe in miracles and stop getting paranoid.

I need to get on my life like normal and stop crying about this because I know Papa is going to be fine again.