My CNY 2011

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone regardless of your races or religions.

Everyone seems to be happy and looking forward to this auspicious day..
I thought of changing my mind, my heart towards this year's celebration.

I used to feel weird and not looking forward to this celebration.
Something was really wrong with me.
Sometimes I questioned my identity silently.
"What kind of Chinese am I??"

Oh believe me. I don't even know why I felt this way.
I'm supposed to be happy.

I guess I failed to see the true meaning of this celebration?
Maybe.

Because all that I see is Mama suffering, having to cook for a perfect Thai lunch with the whole bunch of relatives on the first day of New Year. And don't forget about the money. Yes, Angpau, cooking ingredients.

Please don't look at me and say I make a big fuss out of this things that everyone also went through. Maybe its because I never liked this celebration. Oh this feeling is just so messy inside. :(

So this year, I really thought of pushing this new thinking into my head. I should love this celebration; see happy faces & angpaus. Err. Sorry. The angpau doesn't really go to me. We both volunteered to give it to Mama due to financial problems. Mama felt bad, but I'm not upset about this. Never. Feels like this angpaus are just investment. keep rolling the money. :S

Ahh. put these shitty truth aside.

I was about to love CNY...

I was so busy cleaning up the house with sis, so busy that I just realise I didn't really get a proper new clothes for CNY. Lucky thing I have one new shirt that I didn't get to wear yet. I have always wanting to buy cheongsam. Next year perhaps?

This one issue cannot be stopping me. Half way through the Open House time, I suddenly got flu. It was bad, I couldn't stop sneezing. Next thing I know, I've got sorethroat & flu that night.

Went out with BF on the 2nd Day of CNY. My sickness got worse. Additional package to my sickness actually. Fever. Cilakak betul ! Joe was worried, wanted to send me home earlier but I refused to go home. I don't want to ruin the date :/

It got worse when I started shivering. haiyo!! I really got no luck with rabbit la! Joe nearly brought me to the clinic. I strongly refused to go. I'm afraid of injections and I'm shy(u know why).

I think my health really ruined my CNY this time. I wish I had the chance to re-appreciate the true meaning of CNY celebration. Too bad, before I could give myself the chance, my health interfered.

Last night, I couldn't forget those words Joe told me. It kinda woke me up.
" I rasa I tahu kenapa you tak happy ngn CNY celebration"
I was curious on his opinion, "Oh ye ke?"
" Sebab masa you kecik dulu, you tak dapat rasa apa yang org lain rasa"

He went on explaining those meaningful details. Then I knew. He was right. Since my childhood, I never really had that great experience of joy. There were no proper celebration. That's why I don't feel anything now.

Omg. I have such a sad childhood. Hahah! No la. That's just ermm.. insufficient celebration. :P

I think I'm done letting out this feeling. :) I promise myself not to fall sick nor fail to get cheongsam/new clothes for the next CNY. Most importantly, I promise to give myself another chance to feel the true celebration.

And I promise to update the blog regarding the CNY Lunch at my house, when I'm feeling way better. Still recovering.

P/s: ooo. Got a secret admirer wished him Happy CNY anonymously, how "sweet" was that. I'm not jealous la, Syg. I think it is something tiny that I should put here though its not affecting our relationship ;) I lapp u.