Where did I or you go wrong?

I should be working hard on projects but these few days something is bothering me, in my head. I tried letting it go, but it will come back and remind me of it. Enough with the stress and emo moments; don't feel like digging problems but I guess this part can be exceptional.

What happened actually? I really wish I know the answer. I told myself many times that its nothing, no big deal. It didnt work. I failed to fool myself. Fine. I shall take it seriously. But then again, I still remember what mum told me. " Not all friends around you stay, some will have to go, and some will be your new ones." Reality hurts and honestly I never expect long lasting friendship. Sorry to my close friends (you guys know who you are) but it is the saddest thing. Of course if it does last, hell yeah I'm into it! Come and gone, it happens to me. By the way, this is not about my sucky past love(s) life!

I still remember I had a few close buddies during kindargarten but I forgot their names. I forgot their looks. I forgot everything that we did except for running around and accidently touched some stinko poop! They come and they go. Who's fault? who's to be blamed? No one? yeah, let's choose "no one" as the answer.

Primary school friends? And don't forget that it was the beginning of "making enemies" too. First close friend was Siti Nazirah Nordin. I still have her pic with me, rusty at the edge. I love exchanging food with her, coz her mum's nasi lemak was better than my mum's jam-and-butter-bread!I hate that type of bread! Then, she left at the end of year 3. I do not know if she is dead or alive, but I do hope she is fine. we both lost the contact no. Once, I was mad enough to search in the phone directory for her new house no. in Selayang. I practically hunt down every Nordin who lives in Selayang area's no. and I failed to find Siti. :( I couldn't forget her until today. I regret for not keeping her no. properly.

Slowly I got closer to Natasha, Mimi, Rasyidah. I still remember the shit I went through. It was tough to be friends with Mimi. I guess some people are just jealous that they have to accuse us as lesbians. Fuck it! I didn't even know what the hell was that! And sad to say she "putus persahabatan" with me. How pathetic and lame, come to think about it now. LOL! sounds like some major break up man! But it was ok after that. :) I didn't see Syidah and Mimi for so long, but it was Mimi who holds the longest record - 6 years of not meeting up! lol! come and gone.

Then, here comes Fatina & Nadhirah(Nad). They were in the same primary and secondary school with me. we are always in the same class except for form 3 :P Again, come and gone. We didn't keep in touch, and I feel so bad. Who's fault? No one. Next, Leanda then slowly with Kalo as well. I gotta say I watch more Hindi movies thanks to their influence! Haha! I feel like we are all apart, too busy and too far. As for Kalo, she is just in Sunway College, so near yet so far. Come and probably almost gone? I can't answer that yet. I wish for no dissapointment.

In TOA, I have more close friends. It's because we are already seperated by majors so that explains why I have close friends here and there. It was easier to understand what's going on here as we are all busy. In class, I have Estrella, Lydia, Yi Ling, Ben, Nikky & Jared too though we dont talk alotttt unless it's time for dice moment. :P From the other side, I have Nat, Nix, Sofia. But Nat & Nix was the closest to me since first sem. talk about 3 monkeys camwhoring in the empty train! Hmm! Come and gone? Not yet. Again, please don't give me a sad ending though I am always ready to accept dissappointment.

I sound like a confused soul. Simply because I do care for friends around me. I'm alert from the inside, but I pretend like I don't care. So weird. Sometimes, I wonder what went wrong till it destroys the beautiful friendship I used to have with that friend of mine. There's up and down, but sometimes it's hard to get the freaking clue. Is it my fault that I don't keep in touch? Did that affect something between us? Or we are just too busy for friendship?

The truth is I hate posting emo stuff but I can't stop this post. I hate talking about friends but I did it. I cannot pretend anymore. It hurts. Call me a baby, childish, sensitive. It won't change anything that I do. This is what has been bothering me.

Seriously, where did I or you go wrong?